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Diseased.I can't think. Something is wrong with my insides. I can feel the twist of intestines strangling my stomach.
It hurts like cancer, like leprosy. Gang-green in my gullet, chemical burns in my bones.
and it's in me
it is me
memories like lava
acidic liquids cauterizing life
Goodbye Means I Love You“How can you be so obtuse?”
Jessica’s eyes look crinkled, contemplative.
Slowly her expression softens, confusion creasing into her facial features.
“What happened to you?”
And I’m silent, staring back at her, blank-faced and stone-still.
Why should I explain it? Why even bother to say sorry? I wouldn’t mean it anyway.
“We need you, ya’ know. The both of us do.”
And for a second I stutter, faltering in resolve.
“You’re the strong one, the practical one. What are we supposed to do without you?”
For a moment I remain undecided, entertaining the thought of giving up,
staying here with my family and friends.
“Jess…you know I can’t. You’ve known for quite some time.”</i>
I pronounce each syllable with intention, trying to force understanding into he
Love and Long DistanceEven if it was me, somehow I feel it wouldn’t be enough. Still… always.
How could I say it?
I could never be
What you want me to
You’d pull me under
Just to save yourself…
So hey, guess what? You’re still not here.
Not that it bothers me.
Not that I believe you’d actually tell the truth anyway.
I am a toy, hardly worth playin’ with.
Too far away, always
And sometimes I feel that you love me,
And and and it is stabbing
because how could I doubt you?
the beauty of an immaculate nightmarei.
I remember the warmth, how it whispered across my skin like an enigma.
A shy silence, a fluttering murmur.
I remember the electricity, static butterflies sparking in my stomach.
An energy quivering, vibrating my organs.
There’s chalk in my skull
I am streaming
whimsical tufts of white
I remember something in the water
like cotton or oxygen
frothing bubbles of fabric
She seemed to prefer clean sheets
sleeping on sterile satin
silken and garish
Still I yearned to look past
the ammonia and immaculate mattress
wanting to love her for who she was
to forget all that she had done.
Googily-eyed pacifist, straining
Always the chopping, butchered
then glued back together.
Almost cruel. Almost.
I Hate FacebookAnd to be quite frank, you make me sick.
And I can’t do it. I can’t do it anymore.
Sit and sift through their lives.
Preening and polished.
And I think I hate them.
Or maybe it’s myself I hate.
The lack of supposed importance.
The lack of substantial proof. I was there, I was happy.
And sometimes we are alive even when we are dead.
Tidbits of time caught on film.
Faces trapped in photographs.
Something. I was someone.
SimpleLife with you; And I remember the snow globe of the sky at midnight
How the stars looked like fireflies caught in cellophane
Obsidian pigments pulling them to space.
I can no longer remember the last time I was here.
I grasp at the wild lupine; an estranged softness grasped betwixt my fingers.
And I’ll miss you, even when I can no longer remember your name.
Because you are special in all the ways that wildflowers are not.
Smoker's EpiphanySlipping through a puff of smoke
exaggerated wisps slipping through my subconscious
and I am emptier than before, less than I was
something subtle and hearty
smoothened and soothing
it's almost relief
Seeing Red AgainShe kept saying something about cardinals, yammering on while I continued to study the swaying cattails, watching sunlight and wind smear through the reeds. I heard her mumbling something about beauty and youth and color but I couldn't quite hear her. I was captivated by a flaming sunset, observing the fire trickle through rippled lake water. Seeing for the first time an effervescent inferno dancing on ever-distant hills. I yearned for heat.
She told me of blood: moist, hissing, exquisite.
She said it was fire; a delectable, searing ecstasy.
"It feels like roses, maraschino cherries, iron scalding across your tongue."
Head down, shoulders slumped. She glared through a veil of strawberry blonde hair, delicate freckles glimmering beneath the sheen. She then noticed me standing beside her, holding a razor and smoking a Marlboro Red. She scrutinized my perfection, glowering at the silken ivory softening my features, at the sable tendrils spooling over my shoulders
The Nectars of Irony and Self-PreservationInverted influx
I have not the strength to care.
Your eyes were shark skin
greasy, greasy tears.
Honesty was always optional
but I couldn't quite grasp it
why someone would say
the exact opposite
of what they really mean.
Then I thought of irony and of you
and that grin
that isn't really even a grin
it's a snicker.
The sweetness of enjoying your own joke.
In my head
A gift from Heaven
A curse from Hell
Destroying my being
From the inside
And leaving nothing behind
Descentfirst noticed is the
an invasion of his ears
as in an auditorium
viewing the vivisection of
slicing away at
all that he is
body shattering into
thousands of cells
scattering to the winds
spells cast by the wicked
from antiquated books
anyone could acquire
all bear a curse
that cannot be denied
may be the cause of it
if it is not admitted
cannot be a figment
creeping shadows watching
rending the friable curtain
separating rational thought
from the other side
devoid of light and trust
ragged gashes gape
infinite gulf beckons hideously
an irresistible pull
scraping off clinging lucidity
lo, a brush against the hand
a thin filament
flimsy as spider silk
tenacious as a spider’s web
to this he clings
tenuous grasp on
As My Veins Turn Red Again
Within darkness I writhe, as his whispering blows wither my lips to autumn,
I know every stone of this floor, colored with congealed carmine that oozed off my eye
Your talons grasp my shoulder, a vulture clutching carrion close to it's beak
Your serpent fangs shatter all sensation in my shoulder
your knife makes my broken veins howl for plasma, your purple haze chokes the air off me
A crown of thorns are the remnants of my pride crying its demise,
As you whisper your howled haunted horrific hallucinations
The cries of my dried throat have been clasped in unheard silences.
A false sunrise grasps my heart in its leather fingers,
My eyes open greyyed with the smoke of your cigar
No more can I choke down my own blood boiled to black clumps
Acid runs in my veins, ruins in my cheeks, eats me in-out
Your cane strikes and blade slits, spelling out your pleasure
But as you make your last slash, the lioness inside me erupts at last.
The last slash still burns but I escaped my chains,
tore from y
Mendel's garden invasionThe garland devil leaves his daughters to roam sour gardens,
to squeeze perfume across their necks like lemons.
Sisters six mock Split-limes for her craving to lock candles in her lips:
Limes is a blunted thought-machine, a muted philosopher
but her sheets shake with magic,
each master watches his gooseflesh bubble like champagne.
I can rub old wine and apple slime deep into my pores,
But lemons, I shall never wear lemons,
the slur to existence, sliding down god's lungs.
Our den was never a cathedral, sisters six,
your bloodline quivers with a wild sin
bitten from the freedom tree.
The tasteless soil expels the girls who drip,
leaving the garland devil to roam their necks,
wryly tending lemon trees.
GONE - poemAs we walk
embittered by the thought
In the dome of death
we try to stay thoughtless
Though we all can't deny
the smell of decay
the fire coming out of the woods
The constant fear running through our veins
We have to accept
We cannot avoid
While we make our plans
Defend our homes
Fight away these horrific creatures
We all have the same thought in the back of your head
Whether the dome will fade or stay,
We will die anyway
Poupee desarticuleePoupée désarticulée
Apparait dans le noir
Vole mes jouets usés
Et mes petits mouchoirs
Rit fort aux éclats
De mille verres brisés
Broyés au coutelas
Me tisse une jolie robe
En cauchemars satinés
Aux yeux claustrophobes
N'est pas la bienvenue
Mes parents m'ont grondée
Parce qu'elle est revenue.
Betwixt Loving BloodDeathly still in grey soft smoke her whisper clear
Warm breath tempting misty memory within
Seduction gleaning soon invoke dim silhouette appear
Rose petals resting upon cold porcelain
Dreaming of silky vanilla divine
Golden leaf riding silver tide
White chocolate and blood red wine
For ethereal beauty I abide
Mystery weaving raven hair
Compelled by firelight dancing allure
Glistening before me feminine fair
Black latex immaculate maiden grandeur
Oh pale mistress bathed by moonlight
Your fiery eyes beseech me so
Vixen seductress of sweet twilight
Intoxicating grasp your crimson glow
Candles melting moist ivory skin
Lips of cherry against delicate lace
Lure everlasting veil made thin
Bewitching gaze mystical embrace
You haunt me in ecstasy electric desire
Charming my senses unspeakable bliss
Spectral enchantress for whom I aspire
May I appeal just one single kiss?
Sapphire eyes begin to sheen
Crescent grin and nod of her head
Gliding closer yet still in between
Upon the velvet for her I
HangingThe wooden door
in her chest
by what reality
they wished to exist
she was a witch
in their existence
but just another
human in hers.
Clarity Through Pinhole EyesThis leather-faced beauty, once belonged to me.
Empty-headed nostalgia stained to consciousness. Watch the concrete-chunk agony leak through pin pricked eyelids.
Still she cannot feel it.
Thirsty fingers reaching through the wax rib-flesh. A quiet pleading; smoke curling through the eardrum. Voices taunting
t h o s e h a n d s
To mutilate the most tender, fragile muscle.
Oh and it burns
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