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About Deviant Member AmeliaFemale/United States Groups :icondiematrix: DieMatrix
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Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
It’s not just because they told you, not only because it is inertly wrong, but because it feels wrong.
Maybe it’s because I can’t describe it properly.  But for the most part I feel you’ll never understand.
Because yes, despite popular belief, wanting certain things can be wrong, it can be immoral.

Though honestly, I never meant to try so hard.  I had never analyzed every situation so thoroughly and had someone tell me ‘fuck you, start over’.  Not exactly in those words, more like ‘you think too much.  I have no answers.

Now guilt was the aspect that really had me giggling.  It had me gurgling and spitting sideways.  How hilarious that you thought yourself not culpable.  I paused to smirk at the audacity but had long since learned not to question you.  

Time passes without so much as a blink; a shrug, a sigh, a wink  You are an enigma; unreachable, inescapable.
Questionless Answers
More of a rant than an actual piece...  I want hone my skills but I feel more and more sloppy as the days go on.  

                               Tonight is different.
Genevieve pauses, watching layers of fog ascend forward from the darkness.  The ominous mist slinks onward as it settles against her taunt muscles.  Vapor coils along her skin like venom; tangible and prickling.
She allows herself timid inhales of February.  Every breath sparks arctic shockwaves through her nervous system.  Glacial streaks echo between her tissues; ever-so-silent, sickening her.  Genevieve then slows, listening to iced-oxygen as it hardens between blood cells.

                     The cold feels like boulders in my lungs.
She begins to feel so unexpectedly heavy in her skin.  Sluggish steps wade through the freshly frozen streets.  Genevieve is weary, still she saunters forward.  Unwilling muscles contract in unison, unconsciously clenching for heat.  She shudders, shivers rippling out from her shoulder bones.

                     There had always been a choice, even now.
Pink puny fingers flex against frozen palms, clenching in an attempt to force the shivers from strained phalanges.  Still convulsions continue quaking out from tensed flesh and into perspiring fists.  Her every fiber aches; stiff, taunt, but still freezing cold.

                          A whisper, an echo.  Maybe a nightmare.
                              (  blood  is  thicker  than  water  )
And it is here, beneath a softened jaundice glow, that Genevieve gives in.  Clutching a frosty streetlight as she submits.  
And for the first time in a long time Genevieve is unsure of herself.                                                                                                                                


                       Sometimes we were the same person.
Samara looked to the stars, hypnotized by fireflies caught in a glass ceiling.  Flickers that flared within infinite layers of obsidian cellophane.  Samara was silent.  A timid breeze unfurled from the atmosphere, flitting across the treetops and reaching for her skin.  It felt lithe; delicate.  Soothing as it kissed betwixt her fingers.


Michael loved her, the girl with elusive eyes and vaporized emotions.  Julia.  But sadly,
Michael also enjoyed swallowin' a few too many.  And most of the time, he couldn't decide which he loved more.  Sloppy compliments would spurt from his split lips.
             Julia's eyes are grey, but they used to be silver.
And sometimes, he didn't really know.  He had truly forgotten she was gone.
Genevieve was the whore, a fish-eyed squinty bitch.

Samara struggled. She may have been impulsive, rash and grossly inaccurate, but she was pure. Beauty spilled from her spirit.

Julia still tells people she’s invisible.


Michael was a fuck up.
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: sexual themes and strong language)
‘You don’t know me.  Fuck, I don’t even know me.’  She flicks the rest of her cigarette, fidgety and irritated.  
I watch her fumble through her bag for another one, desperately needing the distraction.

‘I don’t need to know you.  I see you.’

“The fuck is that ‘sposed to mean?’

‘You’re an absolute billboard.’

Laurie adjusts her posture, deliberately narrowing her eyes in my direction.  
‘You think that college degree makes you any different than me?  All those ‘harvardettes’ you love so much, they wouldn’t share a single glance with you if they knew you sprang from the same shit-shack as me.’

And I can only scowl in vexation, feeling prickles of anger spark up my spine.  Still I sigh in response, close my eyes, trying to calm myself.  I didn’t come back to this hellhole to argue.  I came to ask her, to plead her
‘Laurie.  Please come with me?’

‘Why?  So I can be around more intellects like you?  Spoiled little snots that treat me like the shit beneath their shoes?  No way.  I’d rather be trickin’ on the side of the highway, givin’ head to some sweaty trucker or a balding married men who can’t get it up for his washed-up overweight wife.  At least there’s honesty in that.’

‘What about dignity, little sister?’

‘Dignity?  Don’t feed me that line of bullshit.  Dignity is like self-esteem, it’s something you can give and take from yourself.  And where’s the shame in selling sex?  I’m good at it, why not make some money from it?  You afraid of me tarnishing the family name?  Ahh sweet Josie, daddy’s little princess till the end...
Daddy's Little Girl
Attempting to develop some distinct characters... so far Laurie is turning out to be a quite crass.
Wasn't sure how to end this one but I'm more than certain I will be continuing it.
I have not the strength to care.

Your eyes were shark skin
greasy, greasy tears.

Honesty was always optional
but I couldn't quite grasp it
why someone would say
the exact opposite
of what they really mean.

Then I thought of irony and of you
and that grin
that isn't really even a grin
it's a snicker.

The sweetness of enjoying your own joke.
Greasy Jokes and a Sharpened Smile
I guess sociopath would be a good word for it.  Your sense of self-denial never ceases to baffle me.
“How is it that you can still be so this clueless?”
Jessica’s eyes crinkle with an accusatory glance.  
She stares into me, searching but not finding.

And I stare back, slate-gray silent.
Blank-faced and stone-still.
Why take the time explain it?  
Why even bother saying sorry?  
I wouldn’t mean it anyway.

“We need you, ya’ know.  The both of us do.  
You’ve always been the strong one,
the practical one.  
What do you expect us to do once you're gone?”  

Jessica, feisty little Jessica,
standing on her tiptoes and seething at me.  
Still trying desperately to sway me with her brave hardheadedness.
And for a second I consider it, for a second I falter in resolve.  

“Jess…you know I can’t.  You’ve known for quite some time.”
I pronounce each syllable with an actor's articulation,
attempting to force acceptance into those unwilling eyes.  

Jessica’s face crumples.  The crease between her eyes pinching as she recoiled me.
Rejection begins to prickle pink at her tearducts.  She pivots in an attempt to escape as I turn from her face.  And sometimes I swear I saw her lower-lip pucker just slightly out,
just like when she was a child.  
necessity is survival

(couldn't quite figure out how to end this one. I've wanted to write about these characters for quite some time. Hope I didn't give too much away)
I apologize about the impromptu title.  It's been over a year since I made a journal entry...  I've been long since overdue.  Anyhow...I'm not entirely sure if anyone still reads my journal entries.  Especially since I haven't bothered to write one in so long.  
I've been writing more frequently, thankfully, but I'm attempting to edit and refine the pieces before submitting. Hopefully I'll get my skills up to snuff sooner rather than later.

On a lighter note, I went to an Amon Amarth and Skeleton Witch concert last saturday.  Sabboton played too, but I didn't really care for them.  The vocalist was sort of a yutz.  I got really dehydrated and attempted to stay out of the pit but there was no escape from the sweaty mass of swaying bodies.  The violent undulating amoeba swelled to engulf me and I was perpetuated back into the primal invigorating brawl.

  • Mood: Lazy
  • Listening to: Filthy Habits by The Flatliners


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jackofalltrades0097 Featured By Owner 14 hours ago  Hobbyist General Artist
:hugs: Thank you for joining Authors-Club!   We are so glad to have you join our group and adding our work to our collection! 

On behalf of the group, here's just a little bit of information as to what we're about! :

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-- Are you a little lost as to how to get involved in the writing side of DA? Take a look at this helpful guide, How to get started with the Lit Community.  It's got some wonderful advice and has helped many a deviant get their feet wet, so to speak, in the lit world!

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Again, thank you so much for joining our club! If you need anything at all, do not be afraid to ask! Wither it be about our club, or even about the going on's in Deviant Art!  

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thelordoftheuniverse Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the llama!
Narimal Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the awesome llama! I'll treasure it forever. I am a dummy! 
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014   Writer
Many, many thanks for the favorite. ♥
BackShelfSouvenir Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014
Thanks for the fav!! :happybounce:
DalekCaanII Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the Llama! ^-^
i-do-enjoy-music Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the favorite! I adore the color of your hair by the way!

And have you read "out, out-" by Robert Frost? that is one of my favorite poems
Chiyuky Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fav :heart:
DanNeamu Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014
Thank you so very much for the fave :bow::heart::iconthankyouplz4:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks  for the llama! :)
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